I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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