i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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