i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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