Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
