At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
