so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
