This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Even my vagina gasped.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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