Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
