She's JV to your varsity
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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