she was so not down for the gang bang
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sober January is a disaster.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is Oprah even human
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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