I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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