I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
