I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
