I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
