Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
