So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
