If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
