Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
