This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
