If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
