Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
