Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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