this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
