I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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