Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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