I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
