the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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