Whod you bang
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
