She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What a dumb baby whore.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
