If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
