Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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