??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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