i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
