i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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