your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
