Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
