You can't special order awesome
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
