Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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