On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
