Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
