Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
