So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
