dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
