WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
