how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
