just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
