I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
