1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
