You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
