I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
